The Idolatrous Marriage: Infatuation and Despair

This morning author Gary Thomas tweeted 'despair and infatuation can both lead to idolatry.'  That really struck a chord with me.  It's easy to see how infatuation can lead to idolatry, but despair?  I had to read his tweet three times.  Idolatry?

Idolatry is one of those words that makes me nervous.  As a lover of God, I don't ever want to put anything before Him.  In 1 Corinthians 7:32-34, is Paul saying that is is natural to idolize your spouse?  And if so, how does the married person avoid that trap?

As I'm sure you gathered from my previous blog post if you read it, I love my husband.  Nothing wrong with that right?  But sometimes I wonder if it does in fact borderline infatuation.  The times I do despair is probably because of the weight I put on his perception of and satisfaction with me as a wife.  That my expectations of him as my husband (I try to avoid putting expectations anywhere but in the Lord but I'm being honest here, I'm not always successful).

Idolatry is the worship of anything apart from God.  An excessive adoration or devotion.  I shudder at the thought that I am guilty and in need of repentance.  But before I can repent, I need understanding.  Without it, it's only a matter of time before I return to the Throne of Grace again with the same sin.

I replied to Gary Thomas' tweet with the same questions; Is Paul saying it is natural to idolize your spouse? and How does the married person avoid that trap?  He then tweeted "How to avoid idolatry (of all kinds) in marriage:  Matt. 6:33, on the one hand, and Phillip. 4:6-8 on the other."

I know both scriptures by heart but I opened up my Bible and turned to them anyway.  I love how God speaks different things for different seasons with the same Word.  So Matthew 6:33 this time in the context of this question says to me to focus on pleasing God first and the pleasing of the husband is encompassed in this or 'added unto you'.

The great thing about pleasing God is that people who are submitted to Him take no issue with other people who are submitted to Him.  When we're shooting at the same basket, we're on the same team.  I'm not mad at you taking shots because you have to take them to make them and when you score, we both score.  My husband is a righteous man.  He would probably actually prefer a righteous woman to a needy one.

Philippians 4:6-8 warns against anxiety, something that comes with wondering if you're doing the right thing(s).  In God, we don't have to wonder.  He's given us His Word.  We can measure ourselves against it.  He has given us His Spirit to convict us when we stray and guide us into the right way.  With man, we have to guess.

When we guess, we pretty much have a 50% chance of getting it right.  Right for me leads to infatuation.  Wrong leads to despair.  Both lead to idolatry.  Better stick to what I know for sure.  And the benefit of that is all those things "shall be added" unto me.

Be blessed.

D

Unapologetically in Love

My husband is my complete opposite.  Maybe that's why he intrigues me so.  Perhaps the reason I have him on the brain so much is because after 9 years, he still confounds me.  I love the man.  I never thought that loving someone would create animosity with my friends.

Not an obvious animosity, but more subtle things like eye-rolling at the mention of his name.  I began to notice the pretend gagging and heavily annoyed sighs.  I soon realized that my single and not-so-happily-married friends were irritated by my sharing about our date nights, laid back evenings at home or the little things he does that make life easier for me.  So I began to guard my speech a little more.  Still, I find myself daydreaming about anything positive in a sea of negativity urging me to dive in.

I don't want to dive in.  I don't want to focus on the negative things about him.  No, he's not perfect.  Neither am I.  And frankly, I'd be crushed to find out he was drinking coffee with the fellas sharing the things about me that drive him crazy.

I'm not sure if it's just me or if husband bashing is more acceptable than celebrating, but if it is, I still opt out.  I'm not sorry for being in love.  I don't want to change that part of me.  That part that feels like I'm 21 again seeing the rest of my life in his eyes.  With everything going on in the world, he is home and home is where I exhale.

So I guess that means I'm that chick.   And I'm okay with that.

D